Ive seen a few people posting this, and i’m going to try my HARDEST to keep up..
I had a binge free day today so far, soup, water, and vegetables & lamb for dinner.
No snacks, whatsoever.
if i do need to snack during november, im going to try and have only fruit & veggies to much on..
Im also going to make a thin calender. Every day that i go without binging or snacking, i doodle a star on that day.
itll have lots of pictures of pretty skinny girls, my thinspiration.
BADI binged last night, i went out to a halloween party, and my guy friend introduced me to cinnamon bagels WITH cream cheese. best thing i have ever tasted, probably worst thing for me though :/
GOOD so far today ive drunk a pint and half of cold water, and had no breakfast, and then had a small amount of homemade butternut squash soup. im sure thats healthy for me right, not too many calories, as its only mushed vegetables..
RANT i know this makes me sound like a bitch, but looking at other weight loss tumblr’s, i realise how little my starting weight actually was!
People who are the same height heigjt as me, but are starting dieting at 20 - 30 lb’s heavier than me.
slight improvement on my self confidence, and making me more dedicated! :)
catherine x
I was at a old friends 18th, and she had invited all her new friends from the same school as me, but i never talk to them cos their all plastic :’)
it was sliiightly awkward to begin with.
then i drank a bottle of vodka and about 7 alcopops. yunmy.
regretting it this morning, i am still drunk, and i have horse riding in a hour.
i rang my boyfriend last night, whikst drunk, it seemed like a good idea at the time. he got a bit annoyed. it was 2o’clock in the morning :/
i got so bad i couldnt find my pj bottoms, so i just slept in my pants. i kept trying to sit on my bed, but i managed to fall off the other side everytime, dont know how i managed that :s
plus side - yesterday, i didnt have breakfast or lunch. i survived on a pack of ice cream flavoured cheweits (150cals), a bottle of water, and a handful of grapes, then roast vegetables for dinner..
pretty chuffed with myself, it must be said.
QUESTiON have vodka & alcopops got alot of calories in? :)
catherine xx
today
i was able to buy 3 pretty pairs of silky pants, for quite cheap, and they are size 8 (uk) and they fit, slightly snugly, but they still fit… hopefully soon they’ll be loose.
i also ate a chinese takeaway lastnight with friends… i felt so bad afterwards, i was so full i couldnt move, but this has helped me, as it reignited the theory that food = painful..
this week
i have started putting vasline on my eyelashes while i sleep after reading on the internet that it makes them thick and long.. hopefully this time next week, my lashes will be beautiful :)
Another thing is that i havent put any weight on since last week.. i just weighed myself, just after eating a meal, and even though i havent lost anything, i havent put any on either, which is good, as ive been binging :(
but..
i left my youtube account signed in at Tom’s house, and he looked at my faves, which are all videos of thinsiration and ana songs.. still not sure if he was joking when he said he looked at my faves :/
I deserve to sit on peoples laps without them having to take the weight of me on their legs.
I deserve to feel small and warm in peoples hugs because they’re all bigger than me.
I deserve to feel good when i kiss my boyfriend and he can wrap his arms around my waist
Because you don’t know who i am past this blog, i can say the truth..
I believe i am fat.
over the past year or two, ive trawled endlessly through ‘pro-ana’ sites and forums.. I cant get enough of looking at pictures of pretty, skinny, bony women.
Im always skipping meals, just to see the digits on my scale go down, but i then have a fat day or two, and put most of the weight back on.
I cant help but feel self confidence goes hand in hand with my apperence, though i know ‘true beauty comes from inside’
Tom (my boyfriend) is so tall and skinny, he is always picking me up and lifting me in the air.
He loves doing this.
I can’t stand it.
i think he likes the fact i squeel to be put down, and he thinks this is cute, but i hate anyone lifting me up, i think i’ll crush them..
If i was lighter, i would :
- have the confidence to show my body
- feel more sexy for myself and Tom
- Allow others to lift me up
- clothes would look better
- just generally feel better in my own skin
more to come :)
catherine x
I have no confidence. There, i’ve said it.
my self esteem is so low.
Now don’t get me wrong, i’m not one of these internet emo/scenekids/goths who just use these blogs that no one ever reads to vent their anger.. oh no.
i am 17, almost 18, my family love me, and i have great friends, and have been with my boyfriend for four months now.
i am okay-ish with my school work, i know i have to work harder than i did last year, and that pressure is hard, i’m not a natural self motivator…
i just dont like myself.
I dont have ‘experience’ sexually, and therefore dont take the situation where i want it to go, incase i make a fool of myself.
My boyfriend is SO understanding, he’s not pressuring at all, he’s waiting for me to make all the descisions..
In some ways though i wish he did pressure me a bit more, i would actually haveto say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ then, instead of my brain having time to be able to dawdle and imagine all these ‘what if’ scenarios…
catherine x
Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself, and seen a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, we could have been a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.
